Focus on the Few Things of Importance that You Can Really Influence.

Some of the people close to me think that I am a victim of optimism bias. They feel that I am overly optimistic even when things are apparently hellish. For instance, they would say to me, “This week we have three tough cats to read for, that is really stressful,” and I would follow that with, “that is no major cause for worry. If others have done it before, why not us?” Then they would be like, “damn, can’t you be a little stressed like us, or is it because you have read and are ready for those cats?” The funny thing is that we would all pass those cats and interestingly, they would have done better than me. That is when I ask them, “What was all that fuss of stressing about, earlier?”

What a number of the people around me may not be keen to acknowledge is that I get worried about the things I could change and less about those I cannot. I can get worried about the catastrophic state of my room with piling laundry, unclean utensils, and my unpaid internet bill. I can worry about losing my date because I said a few stupid things to her. I can get worked about failing my exams because I did not touch the book prior. What all these things have in common is that they are things that I can have significant control over. But I cannot start worrying about who will be the next President of Kenya because I just have one vote and I alone cannot influence the entire voting process. I cannot start worrying about the amount of time I have lost in medical school due to the covid-19 pandemic and dons’ strike- because, then what?

For the things that we have little or no control over, we must learn to give them less attention. I am not saying that you should pretend to not give a damn about the things that you can’t control. That would be absurd. But how about trimming the kind of attention that you give those things? Attention is power and the greater you give to that thing, the less power you wield over it. And soon, it will be controlling your thoughts at which point you will descend into stress and more stress and more...

By focusing much of our attention on the things that one can influence, we can live less stressful lives. Take it for instance that you have this problem that is dragging you to your knees. Say it is a busy academic week with exams. Well, what can you do about it? Postpone it? Probably not! How about you read more intensely because that is surely within your power! Is it the fear that your relationship is going down the drain before it even began that is killing you? So, what can you do to save it? You can talk it up with your partner- maybe. But you are not going to hold a gun to their head to change their mind, are you? Obsessing over the things that we hardly have control over only reinforces the idea that we are powerless in those circumstances. The realization of that makes us stressed because it is difficult to admit our weaknesses. And because we cannot decide correctly to focus on the things of importance that we truly can influence, we are caught up in a vicious loop of stress.

Every day of my life I try to stay away from negative things that I have little influence over. Although not always successful, it gives me a more encouraging view of life that keeps me going. Sometimes, it is not really optimism bias, it is rather attentional bias at play. And it is “mentoprotective.”